Warning: Horrible Pun Ahead
by Wifeh
Summary: Axel is Very Fond of Horrible Puns, and Decides to use them in as many situations as he can. Rated T for mentions of male relations and swearing. Lots and Lots of Swearing.
1. TV Troubles

This is Less of a Fic, and more of an excuse to use a crappy Pun. xDDD

* * *

"Axel, get off the couch! Jesus, you've been watching TV all day. We gotta go to the store now. Unless you'd like to go hungry for the next week."

An irritated Roxas further emphasized his annoyance with his couch potato boyfriend by prying the remote control from his hands.

"There, I turned it off. Now come on, get up."

"Dude! What the hell man! I've never seen this cycle! And I'm only three episodes from finding out who wins! Please Roxy? We can go shopping later. Food can wait, Tyra Banks can not."

Yes, that is correct, Axel had gotten sucked into an America's Next Top Model marathon on MTV. And he was hellbent on finishing it.

"Axel, this shit is on every weekend. Get up _now_." Roxas was screaming now.

The redhead, not wanting to deal with a pissed off Roxas all weekend, decided to give the baby his bottle, and go to the store.

* * *

Later that night in bed, things were getting...heated, for lack of another T-rated term.

Axel smirked, "Hey Roxy, you wanna be on top?"


	2. At the Gay Bar

So, I'm making this into a Series of little Fics.  
Thanks to Xed14thKey for The Idea.  
x  
Here's the Second One.  
Enjoy.

* * *

Axel liked to drink. He wasn't an alcoholic or anything, he just liked to party, to have fun. His boyfriend Roxas did as well. So naturaly, they were at the bar. 

"ROXAAAAAAS! _Buddaayyy!_" Axel slurred, slinging arms arround his lover. "You wanna know what Roxas, I love, I love your _ass_! It's so nice! I just want to, like, lick some caramel off of it or something!"

Roxas, being the more sober of the two, blushed in embarassment. "Axel, I know you like my ass, but now everyone else in the bar does as well. Try to keep it down to a 7, okay baby?"

"Oh, oh allright man! Allright! Hey, I got a secret, you wanna, you wanna hear it man!?" The Flurry leaned in and whispered something into his 'buddy's' ear that made Roxas turn twelve shades of red.

"Axel! Save it for the bedroom, will ya?"

"Oh, well, so_rry_ **Mom**. Why don't I just trot off to my room, huh?"

Getting up off of his barstool, Axel accidentily knocked Roxas's drink onto himself. It was quiet for a moment, than he broke out into uncontrolable laughter.

"You're a klutz Axel, what's so funny about that?"

"I-I guess this drink i-is on me!!"


	3. Time takes its toll

Heh, sorry it took me so long, I've been at my Mom's house all week, so no Internet access.  
So to make up for it, I'll try to post a few more while I'm over here this weekend.  
Thanks for Reading/Reviewing/Putting up with my Not posting.  
xD

* * *

From the bathroom came the most high pitched, feminine scream Roxas had ever heard. He ran toward the noise, finding his roommate Axel in the fetal position on the tile.

"Axel! What's wrong!? Are you hurt? Do I need to call 911?!"

"Roxas...I...I looked in the mirror, and I just, I collapsed..."

"What? Why did you fall? Is it your stomach? Your head?"

"Yes! My head. My poor head. Oh Roxas, sweet, sweet little Roxas, I-I allways loved you the most. Remember me when I'm gone?"

Roxas began to cry. "No Axel! You can't die! I'll go call 911, you just stay here, I'll be right back."

"No, Roxas, it's too late. The innevitable has happened, there's no turning back. Stay with me, will you?"

"I-but...Axel, no! You can't leave me like this! You can't go down without a fight!"

"I told you Roxas, darling Roxas, It's too late. I have a gray hair, and I'm going to dye."

Roxas's mouth fell agape. "You-you're telling me that...you got me all worked up for...I can't even look at you Axel, just, I'm going to go over to Sora's for awhile, and let you think about what you just did." He walked away muttering something including the words 'Fucking Drama Queen'.

"'Think about what I did', peh, the little bastard'll react just the same way when his golden locks are rampaged by a gray menace."

Axel went to bed, wondering what he'd do once he started balding as he drifted off to sleep.


	4. Pickin' up some 'Zza

Oh man, an update. Probably the last one untill next weekend. But next weekend is Winter Break, so I'll be over here more often.  
Which means more Updates! Yay! Updates!  
xD  
Axel and Roxas, Well, Mainly Roxas, are kind of Out of Character  
I wanted to write them kind of as Excentric, I don't know how to spell that word, Quirky people.  
What're you gonna do, Sue me?  
I Put in an inside joke for Taylor, and I snuck in a little something for any truly KH obsessed person to 'lol' about.  
Thank you to Xed14thKey, for being pretty much the most amazing person ever and Reviewing every chapter so far  
Not to mention suggesting making this into a series of Fics  
So, Thank you a Bunch to you  
Uh, That's all I've got to say. Peace, Muthafuckas.

* * *

"Roxas, c'mere a minute, will ya?"

"I'm on the phone! Hold on a secon- no, sir, not you. Yeah, uh, anyways, a large extra cheese with, how much would two toppings be? Does extra cheese count as a topping? Really? Sence when? Oh, well than how much would three toppings be? $18.95? Okay, so a large extra cheese with onions and green peppers. Oh! And can I get an order of crazy bread? Yeah, okay, what's my total? And when should I come pick it up? Allright, thank you! Bye bye. What'dya want Axel?" Roxas started twords the living room.

"Did you order crazy bread?"

"Did I order- of course I fucking ordered crazy bread! When have I not ordered crazy bread? I am notorious for remembering to order the crazy bread."

"Woah! No need to get on the defence, crouching tiger! I'm just a law biding citizen concerned about his crazy bread."

"Well, your bread is under the heating lamps, warming as we speak. What did you want while I was ordering?"

"Oh, I wanted to ask if I could ride allong to get the 'Zza, I gotta pick up some batteries."

"For what, your Under the Sea Fun Vibrating Dolphin Ring?" Roxas teased.

"**No!** We _do not_ mention the fucking dolphin ring! Why would we even-, why didn't we change the-, just, no, never again will I be in charge of the remote."

"No, no you shall not. Oh, shit, what time is it? The dude said to pick it up at 9," Roxas looked arround aimlessly for a clock, momentarily forgetting the format of his appartment. "Oh, shit shit, It's 8:13. We should leave, if we wanna pick up the batteries before we get the pie."

* * *

"Why-doesn't-this-work?!" Axel grunted, his words seperated by clicks of a remote control. 

"What's not working?"

"The fucking remote. I _just_ put the new batteries in it too. God, are they defective or something?" He tried putting another pair from the 8-pack into the remote. "Nothing. God damnit. I knew they were half-price; I had no idea they were free of charge."


	5. Juggalugg

-is guilty-  
Yeah,  
It's been awhile  
I'm so Sorry  
D  
I Feel awfull.  
But I haven't been in a writing mood latley  
But I was tonight!  
D  
Hopefully this one is okay,  
Hopefully Taylor will catch the Pun the first time 'Round  
xDDD  
Enjoy Ya'll  
And thank you So Fucking much for Reading

* * *

"Axel, what in Ra's name are you doing? I heard some glass breaking. It better not had been my glass penguin! You know that's been in my family for ages!!!"

"Relax, short stack. It was just the lamp. And if you must know, I'm trying to juggle."

"Why...?"

"'Cause! Juggling is sexy!"

"No, Axel baby, no it isn't."

"Yes it is. It is and you know it."

"No. I'm Fairly certain juggling is not high up on my list of sexy."

"Well it's number four on mine. Right above fondue, right below Zac Effron."

"...Zac Effron? You're going to look me in the eyes and tell me you think Zac Effron is sexy? I knew you were gay Axel, but this is just too much. Queer overload."

"Just, shut up. Forget about it. We're talking about juggling here."

"And how _un_sexy it is."

"You know what? I think you're just jealous."

"Of what? Your complete dweebyness?"

"No. Of my Expert sexy juggling skillz!"

"No, you are sorley mistaken. I can juggle just fine."

"Well than please, show me!"

"No! I will not! I don't showcase my skills to big assholes!"

"Hah! I knew it! You don't have the balls!"


	6. Roxas' Turn

The Puns have Returned!!  
For the last time, Possibly?  
-cliffhanger-

* * *

Roxas enters the computer area, seeing Axel, his jaw as clenched as his fists.

"Axel, you're seething. What's wrong?"

"Well, I was online talking to Demyx, you know? And we were talking about how far we were in Grand Theft auto. And he sends me this link, right? He says it's a site with really good cheats for GTA4. So I click on it, and the bastard Rick Roll'd me!"

"Dude, you should know not to click on links he sends you. He's notoirious for his Rick Rollage."

"I'm never online! How should I know his Rick Rolling agenda?"

"You know what we should do? We should go over to his place and get back at him!"

"Oh man, that's good... But how?"

"How about we go and drop his computer on his toes. Show him how much it megahertz."

Crickets were heard for miles around.

"Roxy. Just, just no. You've singlehandedly ruined puns for me. I- I need a drink..."


	7. Lift with your legs

I Wasn't going to write another chapter to this,  
But it keeps getting reviews and favorites,  
So How can I not?  
D

* * *

Roxas has a bit of a secret.  
It's not anything terrible, he's not a mass murderer or anything, it's just...  
He loves to redecorate.  
He's quite the little housewife, actually.  
He likes to cook, to clean, to shop,  
But the one thing he loves more than any of that  
Is redecorating.

Now, that would be fine, if he didn't need me to constantly help.  
It's always,  
"Axel, will you come here and see which color you like best for the walls?"  
"Axel, can you run to the hardware store and pick me up a few of those hanging shelves like the ones we have in the basement?"  
"Axel, could you get up on this ladder and hang the new chandelier?"

This time, he was rearranging the living room.  
"Axel, can you help me lift the love seat?"  
"Uh, I guess."  
"Alright! On the count of three, lift. Ready?"  
"Mm'hm."  
"One, two, three!"  
"OH MY GOD!"  
So much pain shot through my back, I'm honestly surprised I didn't black out.

"Axel! Baby! What's the matter, what's wrong!?"  
"Ahh fuck, my back, I think I threw it out or something. Oh fuck, fuck, _fuck_!"  
"Oh Jesus, uhm, just, can you stand up?"  
"I don't know, I'll try. Just, grab my arms, and pull, gently."  
"Okay, okay, let's go toward the couch, is that okay?"  
"Yeah, that's fine, okay, alright."  
"Oh Jesus, Axel. Do you need like, an ice pack, or something? A heating pad?"  
"No, I just need to keep lying down. I think I'll be okay."  
"Are you sure? Oh god, I'm so sorry! This is all my fault!"  
"It's okay, it's not your fault. I should have lifted with my legs, not my back."  
"Poor baby, can I get you something to drink? Or some pillows?"  
"Uh, yeah, some pillows. And my blanket, I'll be sleeping down here tonight, I don't want to try walking up the stairs."  
"Okay baby, I'll sleep down here with you. Keep you company. It'll be like a sleepover. A very painful sleepover."  
"Alright, that'll be nice. Oh, hey, could you get me the phone book and my cell too? I want to see if I can find a chiropractor."

When he got back, I started looking in the yellow pages for the nearest chiropractor.  
Dr. Fixyaback.  
They've got to be kidding. But, he _is_ only 3 miles away. I guess he'll have to do.

* * *

"Axel, what are you still doing here! Wasn't your appointment today?"  
"Yeah, it was, but I backed out."


	8. Happy AkuRoku Day

To everyone who likes this fic,  
I'm sorry I haven't updated it in over a month!  
I had a bit of a creative Dry spell.  
But, Here's an update for you, just in time for AkuRoku Day!

* * *

Roxas checked his watch for what seemed like the thousandth time since he'd started going out with the painfully slow redhead.  
"Axel, _come on_, I don't want to be late for the rally!"  
Axel huffed, like a four year old being denied a cookie, and whined,  
"This isn't fair! Why do _I_ have to go? I don't want to hang out with a bunch of hippies at some stupid owl rally!"  
"Don't call them 'hippies', Axel, that's rude. They're activists. And this rally is really important to me."  
"Dude, it's owls, who wants to rally for owls?"  
"My young activist group, that's who. The Striped Nozzle Owl is a beautiful bird, only native to this region, and it's quickly dying out because of deforestation. So we're rallying."  
"Okay, I get that, but why do _I_ have to come along."  
"Because, Ax, I haven't spent any time with you all week. I've been working horrible hours, you've been out trying to charm Vexen into renting that apartment to us for cheap, we've hardly seen each other, and I miss you. So I figured we'd go hang out and do something important to me, and when we get home, we can hang out and do something important to you..."  
Axel's eyes lit up. He grinned and started,  
"You mean..."  
"Yes, Axel, I do mean sex."  
He inwardly cheered. They_ had_ both been busy this week, so he was aching for some intimate time between them.  
He extended his hand and said,  
"Alright Roxy, we have a deal."  
They shook on it, and headed off to the rally.

Axel couldn't get into the rally, strangely enough he had other things on his mind...

When they reached home, Axel imediatley went for Roxas' lips, gaining the start of the contact he'd been longing for ever since the blonde had informed him of their little deal.  
"Axel! Wait a second! At least let me take off my coat!"  
"Mmm, no." he said between smooches.  
"Axel..."  
He backed off, not wanting to irritate the smaller boy at this moment.  
"So, before we get back into our second activity of the night, I want to know, how did you like the rally?"  
"Well, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be..."  
Axel actually thought it was worse that he expected it to be, but he knew how into it Roxas was, so he decided to just play along. Besides, he noticed how cute Roxas looked when he got all worked up for the sake of a good cause.  
"Good! Did you find any of the facts about the owls interesting?"  
"You know," Axel sighed, "I didn't really give a hoot."


End file.
